I decided to take part in Featured Grownups‘ topic of the month. This month’s topic, fittingly, is Love.
I am going to talk about my feelings for my husband Mac and how they’ve grown and changed over the years.
Mac and I met online in a chat room playing a word game. Back when the online world was all text and there wasn’t a WWW yet. We spent many nights chatting and getting acquainted. There is a lot you can learn about a person without being face to face. However, I am a firm believer in tactile love. Though I developed strong feelings for him online, before we met, I couldn’t really know for sure if it was love until we met face to face. We hadn’t even exchanged pictures. We only had descriptions.
So, did I realize I was head over heels in love with him when we first met face to face?
No. I was very fond of him, and pleasantly surprised by how handsome he was, but in love? No.
Love takes time to develop. It takes chemistry. Lust is instantaneous. Did I lust after him? You bet! I still think he is the sexiest man alive. And when I dream about steamy wild sex, it’s HIM in my dreams, not some dream lover.
We were together for two and a half years before we got married. During that time, my feelings for him grew and changed. We had our ups and downs and there were times I questioned whether or not it was right. But the day I got married to him, I knew it was the most right thing I’d ever done in my life.
That’s not to say we didn’t still go through rough patches. We discussed splitting up more than once, but each time we decided we had something that was worth saving. The last time I thought about leaving him was over four years ago, and that was because of my own insecurities, not because of anything he did. I asked myself, “which will you regret more in six months? Staying or leaving?” I realized that I would miss him so much that leaving would be a mistake, and again, thought what we had was worth keeping.
Since then, I’ve been thankful for him every day of my life – thankful that I came to my senses and stayed. If there was any such thing as a soul mate, he is mine. We have so much fun together. We prefer each other’s company to anyone else’s. We also give each other space, and room to grow. (My first marriage was so stifling – my ex hovered.) We have our own independent interests but we also have interests we share. I am comfortable being in a room with him doing my own thing while he does his. I don’t feel jealous of his friends, his work, his hobbies and would never consider trying to change anything about him. He is who he is, and I married the whole package. Flaws and all, I love this man more than I have ever loved another human being.
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